Eatpooplove’s Weblog



Don’t say nothin bad about my baby

I’ll be honest. I am quite sensitive about what anyone says about my baby. I don’t even question if this is normal, because I don’t care. One comment and I spring into Mama Bear mode. I could kill people in Mama Bear mode. I could take down men twice my size and weight in two seconds flat.  

 Here are some recent comments about my baby that pissed me off. I’m irrational. I know this. By the way, that is something they should teach you in pregnancy preparation courses. One day you will leave your house, probably in a lot of pain and you will go to a hospital. When you return home you will be a mother and you will become an irrational freak regarding anything related to your child. People, such as your husband or mother in law, will say things to you such as “relax” and you will want to kill them. Other people, such as idiot strangers in a restaurant, will say things about your baby such as, Oh, He is six months old? BIG BABY.   

 You will consider throwing your bellini in their face. 

 

 Today alone, since the Boozo clan DARED to venture out for brunch, here is what Boozo got…  

 

 Oh, He has a big head. (well, yes, ALL BABIES HAVE BIG HEADS JACKASS-IT’LL BE THAT WAY UNTIL HE’S IN LIKE SIXTH GRADE OR SOMETHING SO NEVER SAY ANOTHER WORD TO ME UNTIL THEN). Admission: Boozo does, in fact, have a big head. He also has ears that stick out slightly. Does this warrant public comment? No. The only person allowed to even remark about this is me, the person from whose womb he was extracted.

 Why isn’t he smiling? (let’s see, I can think of a few reasons, namely the face that HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR FACE LATELY? NO ONE IS SMILING)

 Oh, I see you are giving him formula. Aren’t you nursing anymore? AS A MATTER OF FACT I AM BUT MY BIG HEAD UNSMILING BABY EATS SO DAMN MUCH NOW THAT OCCASIONALLY I HAVE TO SUPPLEMENT WITH FORMULA AND CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT YOU ARE UP MY ASS RIGHT NOW DO YOU HONESTLY THINK I WANT TO WHIP OUR MY BOOB HERE AND NURSE HIM? Watch out folks.  

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